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The night before the big blood test, the butterflies came on with such might, I struggled to sit still or move. I am a 'silent when nervous' type of person so it was shaping up to be a very quiet evening. I still had no symptoms and knowing that the finality of this cycle would face me in the morning had me fighting every temptation to pee on the stick.
At 7pm, realising I didn't have a home pregnancy test was the only thing that stopped me. At 8.30pm I cracked - 'do you think we should test before tomorrow?'....Well hubby answered with his feet and was out the door and down to the local IGA before I could ask twice. He was clearly anxious too. Sometimes I forget the emotions he has associated with the IVF cycle and it was a nice reminder that I'm not alone. He's here, he is very much a part of the process and he feels too. He wants this as badly as I do and is as emotionally invested as I am. He just doesn't have the whole 'hormones raging through the body' thing going on.
I look at the test. One line in the test panel. One bold, dark, big, fat line. Negative. I couldn't help but immediately compare the line to the 'minus' symbol, like it's telling you that you are now less the little beacon of hope you had held onto this month. My heart sank. I stayed in the bathroom for a few minutes and just let the disappointment flow through my body and escape from my toes before taking a deep breath and giving hubby the news - 'it's negative, .....who gets pregnant first round of IVF anyway? It's always other people - right?!' (It had taken us four attempts to conceive Miss A).
Husbands first stage of grief happened within seconds - DENIAL. He actually asked me if I was sure a few times before looking at the test himself. Yes, I'm sure, one line means no baby, right?! Turns out I was WRONG. It took husband a few seconds to read through the instructions and when he had our whole vibe went from brimming, downcast eyes to mad salsa dancing around the house - turns out you don't get a line in the test panel if you aren't pregnant!! Minus symbol be gone, it's a positive line. Within 5 minutes of hitting that big low we had catapulted to our biggest high of 2016 so far!! Blood test confirmed.
HOLY MOLY guys - número deux is on the way, albeit early days!