When I was 16 I had an appendix that burst - the subsequent operation cost me an ovary. I remember asking my mum if I would still be able to have children and when she said yes, I thought she was lying to me. The devastation I felt was crazy. I wasn't ready for kids, I was 16, still a kid myself, yet in that moment, thinking I wasn't going to be able to have them sent my heart spiralling for the floor because I knew one day, above all, I wanted to be a mum.
Flash forward years later, Hubby and I were sitting in the specialists office. We were told that it would be difficult to conceive naturally and IVF is the best option. I cried and hubby held my hand as my heart hit the floor - I mean IVF was a crazy, foreign process to me. Then we dove in and started the journey. What wouldn't we do for the love of a child?? Even if that child is yet to be born and still just a star up in that sky, waiting to choose us as parents.
I now have a beautiful baby girl - 12 months old and we want more children, siblings for her and a loud, fun, silly household. So the process begins again.
I've driven 1500km in the last ten days. SO MANY BLOOD TESTS. Timing is imperative. A cocktail of drugs - twice a day, everyday.
This time around, it is so different. I'm not nervous. The fear in my heart that I'm not going to experience motherhood isn't there. The process is familiar. It's my normal. I'm not googling everything to aide the process. I'm not eating endless avocado's, nibbling on pineapple core and obsessively researching what combination of nuts and sunflower seeds to eat. I'm not researching adoption and getting heart palpitations when realising that you have to make the decision to not pursue fertility treatment first. My life is continuing as 'normal' ie. my mindset is somewhat stable.
It is completely and utterly all consuming first time around. You are poked and prodded and plied with all sorts of concoctions that have your body mimicking all of the signs of pregnancy. And then....no double line. Until there is one. Did I mention it is an emotional roller coaster?! But so is pregnancy and so is motherhood and IVF is just one extra fabulous effort put into your journey to get there - taking the scenic route and practically scoring a science degree in the process. AND it is worth it. It is so so worth it.
If I could give any advice for people with friends/family going through an IVF or fertility process it is to simply wait for updates. Because the pressure builds, the process in itself is stressful enough and generally, if you know you can talk to those close to you, then you will when you want to or have news. Throughout my journey, I connected with women who had been through it themselves and those were the conversations I cherished because they eased my mind.
So baby number deux.....we are parents in waiting for you. Here we go again!
In my scrubs
Losing the battle for the cap
Nurse saves the day and gives Miss A her own special one